Yes, Well...Maybe.

My fellow Americans,

the naysayers have bemoaned the state of the ecomomy and the difficulties we face abroad. They say that our challenges are insurrmountable, and the odds of sucess are nil. But I want to say to those people right now, on behalf of all of us who dare to hope for better: yes, well, maybe.

Yes, well, maybe things will be better but at this point we are not yet sure.

Yes, well, maybe the economy will not completely tank, but only if every American watches at least four hours of cable television every day, and internalizes every fear and woe put upon them by the pundits and cultural commentators who know better than us.

Yes, well, maybe..we will prevail over the enemies of freedom, but only if we refuse to talk to them out of our inherant sense of superiority.

Yes, well, maybe our children will realize their dreams of a brighter future...but only if we take the time to teach them the value of internet learning and the sense of community that only texting can bestow.

Yes, well, maybe we will have a brighter dawn, but only if we never forget how people wronged us in the past and how we will take it out on them in the future and for suceeding generations.

Yes, well, maybe we can look foward to solar powered cars and increased global cooling but only if we stop taking advantage of the sun by depleting solar energy to dry our clothing and grow our personal gardens.

Yes, well, maybe we can move beyond hate and prejudice but only if we trust ourselves enough to worry about the unknown and fear what we cannot understand.

MADELINE AF-FUR-Mations

1. I am bendy. I have movement.
2. The humans love me when they see me.
3. Following closely brings great rewards.
4. I'm a follower. I'm a winner.
5. I can spread my food out by dropping it whilst staring at the humans.
6. I turn around in circles, and so I can do that.
7. I can squeeze my stuff out, if I squeeze real hard.
8. If I make the slobber licky sounds, the humans will love me better.
9. I am stinky. I am whole.
10. Despite all my rage, I am still just a Madeline in a cage.
11. My cage is my kennel. My kennel is my armor.
12. When I squeeze my stuff out, I sniff it it real close-like. And this helps me be calm.
13. I cannot see with my physical eyes, so I will look within.
14. I cannot hear with my physical ears, so I will listen to my heart.
15. My heart is overgrown with joy at being a small bendy thing.
16. The skunkies come to me with their fine jeweled wisdom, and I absorb it in aerosol form.
17. My bum maketh noises. What sit tellin' me? "Alive."
18. Though the decomposition of the dead baby pig head be not complete, I am complete.
19. I am a loved, stinky entity.
20. Though my leg is canercous, I can still do the paw-paw.
21. Someday I shall have robot legs, and they will be bendy too.

MY AFFIRMATIONS: GREATEST HITS OF SOLID GOLD

AFFIRMATIONAL TYPE THINGS

1. A horn can blow, but not without someone blowing into it.
2. I thought I was okay, but really I'm not.
3. It is alright to cry, as long as no one can see me.
4. Allah bless the dog.
5. I triumph over evil, because of my manly spirit.
6. Planting seeds makes me feel glowy inside.
7. A chocolate bunny in heat melts quickly.
8. Because I have ability, I know I am able.
9. Because I have four legs, I know I am a dog or a table.
10. You're never out-of-touch, if you touch yourself.
11. Raw meat is not unsafe to not eat.
12. I am strong, so I shall not perish in hades.
13. As long as I keep it together, I shall not fall apart.
14. I believe in me and what me can do; when me becomes I, I can fly.
15. Urinary tract healing is possible for me.
16. If three chickens whent to three schools, which one would learn more?
17. My roots are in the earth, even though I have legs rather than roots.
18. Baby pteradactyls are cool as shit, and thus are their noises.
19. I am only retarded if my girlfriend says I am.
20. You can take away my power, but instead of power-less, I'll be power-MORE.
21. Dignity is a six letter word.
22. If I am not in pain, I'm in gain.
23. I live in a stable and I have ability; ergo I have stability.
24. I am like a baby pony wearing white tennis sneakers; I'm calming.
25. I can't be nit-picky if I do not pick nits.
26. I have choices. Choices do not have me.
27. Cows are so zen, man.
28. When in doubt, take a hike up For Sure Mountain.
29. The mirror that best reflects my essence is me.
30. Dude, way!
31. Think outside the box, but think inside the octogon, think to the left of the iscosoles triangle, and think below the dodecahedron.
32. I am, I said. (Neil Diamond)
33. I don't pay attention because attention pays me.
34. I draw water from the well that makes me well, not the ill well.
35. If I experience negativity, I will chop of the "nega" and replace it with some other kind of "tivity."
36. I can change feces into gold, and then buy college classes.
37. Every time I feel lack, I have more than I need.
38. Love is all that I need, and I don't need it because I have it already.
39. I am a good citizen, even though I once stole a flag from a cemetery and set it ablaze.
40. I love my man body, and what it can do for me. It is impressive.
41. If you take two letters out of "reggae" all you're left with is "rage."
42. I am a sexy beech.
43. If you took one "e" out of reggae, but added a "d" you'd end up with "ragged."
44. I have no self, nor have I an elf.
45. I am not a nasal spray addict because my nasals need nothing.
46. Iceland is a fine place, just fine, and I will go there.
47. I can be good without reservations. I can trust without calling ahead.
48. "But" is conditional and I am not conditional. "But" means ass and I have an ass but I'm not an ass.
49. If you eat raw poultry products while listening to reggae, you'd get "egg rea."
50. I don't need kinship to be a kin. I don't need seasmanship to be a seaman.
51. I float my own boat, using styrofoam.
52. Right. Now.
53. Vio-lets are better than vio-lence. Vio-lets are better than vio-don't-lets, which are negative.
54. I can smell funny and still feel pretty.
55. I can use contractions to shorten words.
56. If I have a bun, then I will have some buns and then I can be a-bun-dant.
57. Raincloud days are my sunshine days. Sunshine days are my sunshine days. Days are my days.
58. Maybe if I work real hard, I can be somebody that somebody will love.
59. Although laughter can be fun to hear, it is also highly inappropriate, so I refrain from it unless I lose control.
60. I can control my bowel sometimes.
61. At the moment I feel weakest, I am the most weak.
62. I cannot be lost because I will never be found because there is no "I" here.
63. I am animated solely by energy gathered by photovoltaic solar cells.
64. I am a robot. I can rotate.
65. People love me, even when they say they don't.
66. Even when I have nothing, I have a college degree.
67. I empty out my bowel, yet it shall refill itself with the fruits of bounty.
68. I am a person. When I am with more than one person I am a "people." Therefore, I cannot not be a "people" person.
69. I participate in life and life participates in me.
70. I can enjoy Phil Collins whilst singing it to animals.
71. I am a konscious kritter.

THE NOW

Come live with me.
Come live in The Now.
The Now's a great place
with garden of mind
It has lots of stuff there
Yeah, lots of stuff there.

Come live with me.
Come live in The Now.
The Now needs no plan
The Now needs your meow.

Come live with me.
Come live in The Now.
The Now wants attentions
Big, hot undivided and dripping

Come live, come play, come stay
in The Now.
It beats the future you don't know
and the past that you do.
Its better than cuttin' on your arm
when you're emo n' blue.

The Now is a place
Where there's no need to save face
You can give up the chase
and drop out of the race
if you'd just come with me
come live in The Now.

Grrrrrrrrrr! I AM DANE-Grrrrr-US!

BUT I AM A LOVED AND LOVING CRITTER WITH THE POWER OF MINDFUL.

Am I All the Madeline I Can Be?

I have needs.
I have wants.
Am I loved, loving, lovable, lovely?
Am I just a stinky thing, without talents or abilities?


Dear Needs,

what do you look like? Do you look like a human hand petting me a lot or a baby pig that's left to rot? Do you look similar to a food bowl filled or yummy liver ice cream chilled? Are you like a sunny summer's day or a cloudy thing that's sad and gray? Are you like a pity party and if I eat you will I get farty? Are you old or fresh and new? What is your sign? What do you do? If I sat here and waited, would you eventually be sated? If I whine and make sad sounds, will your minions make their rounds? If you are human, so tall and neat, please tell me how and where we'll meet.

Yours really,

Madeline Mrs. Bendy Dog

Come Here Fishes! or The Almost Probable Me or Hello: I Am A Person With Stuff

You know folks, fishing is a little bit like fishing. You cast your nets, pull out the crabs and hope that the heathens are not looking. Sometimes, what you catch depends on how you bait the hook. A master baiter always knows exactly what to bait the hook with, and for how long so the hook does not get chafed and itchy. If all you use is an artificial lure, well then that is the kind of energy you send out in to the murky, unfathomable depths of the universal mind. And that is what you get back. But if you send out warm, loving hashbrowns, it is hashbrowns you shall receive.

Doctors and Camels

I think it is real swell that doctors are finally letting us know that we do not need to dwell in fear anymore. I think the doctors finally understand the mind body connection that allows us to be unhealthy resides in the mind. If we simply OWN the reality that we CAN SMOKE and DO SMOKE, then we will be okay. It is the WORRY, FEAR and ANXIETY we associate with nicotine that causes smoke cancer.

The Barely Possible Me

Dr. Wayne, this is Justin. Can you hear me? Are you out there? You see, Dr. Wayne today I'm feeling BARELY POSSIBLE and ALMOST HORIZONTAL.

My butt sticks up in the air, and even though I don't hear them laughing, I can smell their disapproval of my inner self. I can feel their invalidations seeping in.

How can I do this anymore? How can I lie down on my stomach on a frozen lake in January, in the coldest place on Earth aside from Hell?

I'll tell you how, Wayne: BECAUSE I LET IT HAPPEN. BECAUSE I CHOSE MY OWN REALITY. RIGHT NOW MY REALITY IS A FROZEN LAKE AND I AM LYING DOWN ON IT AND NOT USING CONTRACTIONS. Why Wayne? Why would I choose this for myself? There are other ways to be the ME THAT I AM.

I know it, Dr. Wayne. You cannot be ME for ME. You have to be YOU. That is your calling. Only I can be me for myself and I.

And so I say:

WHEN ME BECOMES I, I CAN FLY, FLY ON THE WINGS OF THE BARELY POSSIBLE ME.

Wayne Dyer: the Unstoppable Him

Dr. Wayne, Please Hug My Happy Spot.

Wayne Dyer takes off his shoes in a sacred space. wayne Dyer has the POWER of ABILITY. Wayne Dyer wants to help your children. In his book, "the Unstoppable Me," Wayne takes a look at how LSD can cause children to think they can fly. And if they THINK they can fly, then they CAN fly because the power to "say it" is the power to "do it."