MY AFFIRMATIONS: GREATEST HITS OF SOLID GOLD

AFFIRMATIONAL TYPE THINGS

1. A horn can blow, but not without someone blowing into it.
2. I thought I was okay, but really I'm not.
3. It is alright to cry, as long as no one can see me.
4. Allah bless the dog.
5. I triumph over evil, because of my manly spirit.
6. Planting seeds makes me feel glowy inside.
7. A chocolate bunny in heat melts quickly.
8. Because I have ability, I know I am able.
9. Because I have four legs, I know I am a dog or a table.
10. You're never out-of-touch, if you touch yourself.
11. Raw meat is not unsafe to not eat.
12. I am strong, so I shall not perish in hades.
13. As long as I keep it together, I shall not fall apart.
14. I believe in me and what me can do; when me becomes I, I can fly.
15. Urinary tract healing is possible for me.
16. If three chickens whent to three schools, which one would learn more?
17. My roots are in the earth, even though I have legs rather than roots.
18. Baby pteradactyls are cool as shit, and thus are their noises.
19. I am only retarded if my girlfriend says I am.
20. You can take away my power, but instead of power-less, I'll be power-MORE.
21. Dignity is a six letter word.
22. If I am not in pain, I'm in gain.
23. I live in a stable and I have ability; ergo I have stability.
24. I am like a baby pony wearing white tennis sneakers; I'm calming.
25. I can't be nit-picky if I do not pick nits.
26. I have choices. Choices do not have me.
27. Cows are so zen, man.
28. When in doubt, take a hike up For Sure Mountain.
29. The mirror that best reflects my essence is me.
30. Dude, way!
31. Think outside the box, but think inside the octogon, think to the left of the iscosoles triangle, and think below the dodecahedron.
32. I am, I said. (Neil Diamond)
33. I don't pay attention because attention pays me.
34. I draw water from the well that makes me well, not the ill well.
35. If I experience negativity, I will chop of the "nega" and replace it with some other kind of "tivity."
36. I can change feces into gold, and then buy college classes.
37. Every time I feel lack, I have more than I need.
38. Love is all that I need, and I don't need it because I have it already.
39. I am a good citizen, even though I once stole a flag from a cemetery and set it ablaze.
40. I love my man body, and what it can do for me. It is impressive.
41. If you take two letters out of "reggae" all you're left with is "rage."
42. I am a sexy beech.
43. If you took one "e" out of reggae, but added a "d" you'd end up with "ragged."
44. I have no self, nor have I an elf.
45. I am not a nasal spray addict because my nasals need nothing.
46. Iceland is a fine place, just fine, and I will go there.
47. I can be good without reservations. I can trust without calling ahead.
48. "But" is conditional and I am not conditional. "But" means ass and I have an ass but I'm not an ass.
49. If you eat raw poultry products while listening to reggae, you'd get "egg rea."
50. I don't need kinship to be a kin. I don't need seasmanship to be a seaman.
51. I float my own boat, using styrofoam.
52. Right. Now.
53. Vio-lets are better than vio-lence. Vio-lets are better than vio-don't-lets, which are negative.
54. I can smell funny and still feel pretty.
55. I can use contractions to shorten words.
56. If I have a bun, then I will have some buns and then I can be a-bun-dant.
57. Raincloud days are my sunshine days. Sunshine days are my sunshine days. Days are my days.
58. Maybe if I work real hard, I can be somebody that somebody will love.
59. Although laughter can be fun to hear, it is also highly inappropriate, so I refrain from it unless I lose control.
60. I can control my bowel sometimes.
61. At the moment I feel weakest, I am the most weak.
62. I cannot be lost because I will never be found because there is no "I" here.
63. I am animated solely by energy gathered by photovoltaic solar cells.
64. I am a robot. I can rotate.
65. People love me, even when they say they don't.
66. Even when I have nothing, I have a college degree.
67. I empty out my bowel, yet it shall refill itself with the fruits of bounty.
68. I am a person. When I am with more than one person I am a "people." Therefore, I cannot not be a "people" person.
69. I participate in life and life participates in me.
70. I can enjoy Phil Collins whilst singing it to animals.
71. I am a konscious kritter.